Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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