I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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