let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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