Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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