I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
