I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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