If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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