Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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