haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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