why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
