We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
