I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
