I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
