do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
