Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
