i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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