that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
