do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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