can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
