He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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