I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
