he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
