She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
