The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
