So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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