yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
