She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
