So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
