worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
