the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Vodka?
Forever.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
