Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
