The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
