Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
