I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
