i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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