I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
