I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
