my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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