Someone shit on the floor
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
