You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
