i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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