He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
