I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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