Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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