i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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