dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
