Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
