Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
