Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he puts the penis in happiness.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
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