All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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