I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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